Ghost in the Machine

The washing machine is on the fritz again. It randomly selects a time to just stop. You never know when it's going to happen - while it's filling, while its agitating, draining, spinning. It simply quits, like it's too tired to go on and has collapsed from exhaustion. If I start a load before bed, dollars to donuts I will wake up to a load of clothes that have been stewing in dirty water all night. Gross. I've taken to hanging out in the dining room nearby with the door open so I can hear when it gives up. Then I say [expletive deleted] ! and stomp into the garage to coax it back into action.

It has incredible timing. It is most likely to quit on me when I need it most - when time is a factor. Like before work, when all of my uniforms are in it. Like before we go out to dinner, when the shirt I want to wear is in it. It is cruel, and it hates me. I swear sometimes I can hear it laughing like Vincent Price when I turn my back. Usually it finishes the cycle once I restart it. But sometimes it stops as soon as I turn around, like it's waiting for me to stop looking. GOTCHA! Muahhahahaha! I try not to let it see me cry.

Thing is, I thought we had it fixed. We're on well water - that is to say, "Hard Water" - and the screen on the hose used to get blocked. We thought it was minerals building up to block the screen. I scrubbed the screen, soaked it in vinegar and replaced it. NOPE. Then we thought the hoses, which are old, were degrading inside and pieces of rubber were blocking the hose causing back-pressure. We replaced them with new ones. NOPE. I even considered calling a Voodoo priestess or a Catholic priest to exorcise it but I'm weirded out by all the unintelligible chanting, strange costumes, and strange-smelling incense - and Voodoo doesn't thrill me either.

I know what you're thinking: "You need a new washer." And you'd be right.